Dark Hallway or Sparkling Space?

Insights, Inspirations & Ramblings

To me, the Camino is a snapshot and metaphor for life. It has a beginning, an end, and a journey in between. The Camino journey provides opportunities to experience things with new eyes and it provides lessons to be applied to your life. I’m stunned by the unexpected ‘lessons’ that it gifts if you are open.

I didn’t expect to have the same experience this time in Spain as I did on my last two experiences. I was facilitating a group of ladies, moving their backpacks forward, and preparing their lodging for the night of their arrival. I was not walking daily like they were, so I didn’t expect to be affected in the same way. Boy, was I wrong. I had a lesson that shook me to my core.

On the last day walking day before our short adventure was finished, I arrived into Granon (one of my favorite places ever, by the way). I had hauled the backpacks up the uneven stone steps into the large room where we would all spend the night next to each other on mats on the floor. I had paid the donation for the room and dinner, and gotten a schedule of the events that the albergue offered. There was only one thing left to do – find a bank. Every so often I had to refill my Euros as most places only accepted cash, and today was that day.

I walked across the street from the albergue to a tiny café to ask for directions to the bank. The place was packed with a line of pilgrims extending clear out the door. As I entered, I saw one lone young woman handling things. She was taking orders and ringing up the sales, while another woman was in the room behind cooking and filling the food orders. What could have very easily been chaotic, was not. The young woman, who I later found out was named Irina, was smiling and completely relaxed. There was music playing that the pilgrims were either swaying back and forth to or singing along with. I had to laugh as I entered because the song “Hit the Road, Jack” was playing. How appropriate, I thought.

I inched my way up to the left side of the counter, where Irina would come to drop off the orders and call out, over the music, the person’s name. My plan was to catch her on her next trip over and quickly ask where the bank was. So, I waited.

As she came to drop off an order, she paused to pick up two dirty cups and saucers that were left there by pilgrims. I thought, ‘Now’s my chance’ and quickly blurted out one of the few phrases in Spanish I knew – “Perdon. Donde esta el banco?” (sorry, I don’t know how to put the tilde, the little accent marks over the Spanish words, but you get the gist of it.).

She turned back around, as she had already moved to walk away, sat the cups and saucers down, and purposefully took my left hand and cupped it both of hers. She completely disregarded the long line of hungry pilgrims waiting to be served, and instead paused to look intently into my eyes. Irina then softly said to me, “Buenos dias”. If I could have disappeared, melted into my shoes, whatever, I would have. I felt so embarrassed.

In her kind loving way, she taught me a monumental lesson, ‘Don’t walk in here rudely blurting out your question. It doesn’t matter that I’m busy or that you’re busy. Stop. Look me in the eyes. Greet me first. Then ask.’

Because I was too flustered to muster up any weak form of Spanish, in English I replied, ‘I am so sorry. Buenos dias’. She just smiled, gave my hand a squeeze and replied, ‘Buenos dias’ and proceeded to tell me how to find the bank.

I humbly walked out and headed to the bank hoping I wouldn’t have to see Irina again. I didn’t want her to think, ‘There comes that rude American woman’.

As fate would have it, I DID have to see her again, several times. This was a tiny village and the only place to get anything to eat, and by now I was hungry. So, I checked my pride and walked back in. Of course, she recognized me as I entered. She looked up from her register and gave me a big smile. Over the crowd and from the back of the café, I yelled out to her, ‘Buenos dias’. She greeted me back and we both laughed.

I’ve lovingly thought back several times since then about Irina and the precious lesson she taught me. I realized how many times I rush through life not really noticing the people I pass during my day. The opportunities I miss, and sometimes even avoid, to say hello or give a passing stranger a smile. What am I doing that’s so important? Where am I going that I don’t have five seconds to pause to acknowledge another human being?

I’ve returned home now and yesterday I was hiking our familiar Pinnacle Peak with my husband, Mike. He was ahead and I was going at my own pace as we always do. As I was coming back down, a young man approached me carrying his little boy (maybe a year old) on his backpack. Even though he was still a little way away, I could see this sweet little boy peeking around his daddy’s back waving like crazy at me. I smiled and waved back to him, and we high fived as we passed.

Again, I was reminded what it means to be seen by another person. To be acknowledged and smiled at. I hope I remember that lesson for the rest of my life.

The familiar phrase is, “The Camino provides”. And, yes, it does. But if we’re open, those lessons can also come at home or hiking a mountain by your house.

My sister, Sylvia, once said I think so far outside the box that there isn’t even a box anymore! For the most part that’s true, as I embrace my playful title of “Infinite Possibilities Sister”. I get excited exploring what could be instead of what is, and not just for myself. I love helping others, especially women, see what’s possible in their lives and to live from that place. To kick that stifling ‘box’ aside, to see with new eyes, and to live with an open heart.

We all get stuck from time to time, wandering aimlessly in our own limiting box of what we believe is possible and what we’re used to. I, myself, am certainly no different. I love my life and how I spend my days, but recently found myself settling into a comfortable routine because it’s easy. So, at the beginning of 2019 I decided to shake it up a bit!

Instead of planning and leading four women’s retreats again this year (which I love) I decided to take my own advice and open my eyes to ways of providing meaningful experiences and seeing what else is possible.

I have a slight obsession lately (saying ‘slight’ makes it sound a little less crazy, right?) with Marie Kondo and her method of simplifying and organizing by consciously choosing what sparks joy. And it got me thinking. If this can work for our material possessions, why can’t we apply it to our lives? I decided to test this concept out by exploring what in my life not only sparks joy in me, but truly fills my soul and has me living the best version of myself.

Sounds enlightened and inspirational, doesn’t it? Yes, in theory. In reality, I am now sitting in a place feeling unsure, unsteady, and even a bit anxious.

I am reminded of how desperately I need to know what’s next. I like having a plan and following said plan. I like feeling like I’m in control, even though I never truly am. I still like the illusion of control.

Instead, I sit. I sit in the unknown, secretly wishing I hadn’t opened this can of worms and would rather go back to my safe comfortable routine. But, I started this and will ride it out.

I’ve been in a similar place other times in my life. Haven’t we all? Transition and change are inevitable, and we navigate them the best way we know how. I used to refer to this season as ‘the dark hallway’ – that place where doors have closed, but no new ones have opened yet.

Today I choose to call it the ‘Sunshine Space’. The doors are closed, but the area is sparkling with potential. I don’t know what those new possibilities are yet, but I’m willing to set my fear aside to notice the slivers of light peeking through the cracks in the doors offering a glimpse of something more beautiful than I’d imagined.

I don’t know what’s next. I have no idea where 2019 will lead me or what the journey through this year will entail, but I’m open. I trust my Source, the One who DOES know all and will reveal it as I’m ready to hear it and move forward.

How about you? Have you ever felt, or are you feeling it now, the wind of change blowing in? Is it time for something new, but you don’t know what?

I’d love to hear about it so we can navigate this path together, moving forward, ever on the magical journey in this life we love.

Insights, Inspirations & Ramblings

Subscribe to our mailing list