Meet Becky... — Debbie Lamb Turner

Insights, Inspirations & Ramblings

To me, the Camino is a snapshot and metaphor for life. It has a beginning, an end, and a journey in between. The Camino journey provides opportunities to experience things with new eyes and it provides lessons to be applied to your life. I’m stunned by the unexpected ‘lessons’ that it gifts if you are open.

I didn’t expect to have the same experience this time in Spain as I did on my last two experiences. I was facilitating a group of ladies, moving their backpacks forward, and preparing their lodging for the night of their arrival. I was not walking daily like they were, so I didn’t expect to be affected in the same way. Boy, was I wrong. I had a lesson that shook me to my core.

On the last day walking day before our short adventure was finished, I arrived into Granon (one of my favorite places ever, by the way). I had hauled the backpacks up the uneven stone steps into the large room where we would all spend the night next to each other on mats on the floor. I had paid the donation for the room and dinner, and gotten a schedule of the events that the albergue offered. There was only one thing left to do – find a bank. Every so often I had to refill my Euros as most places only accepted cash, and today was that day.

I walked across the street from the albergue to a tiny café to ask for directions to the bank. The place was packed with a line of pilgrims extending clear out the door. As I entered, I saw one lone young woman handling things. She was taking orders and ringing up the sales, while another woman was in the room behind cooking and filling the food orders. What could have very easily been chaotic, was not. The young woman, who I later found out was named Irina, was smiling and completely relaxed. There was music playing that the pilgrims were either swaying back and forth to or singing along with. I had to laugh as I entered because the song “Hit the Road, Jack” was playing. How appropriate, I thought.

I inched my way up to the left side of the counter, where Irina would come to drop off the orders and call out, over the music, the person’s name. My plan was to catch her on her next trip over and quickly ask where the bank was. So, I waited.

As she came to drop off an order, she paused to pick up two dirty cups and saucers that were left there by pilgrims. I thought, ‘Now’s my chance’ and quickly blurted out one of the few phrases in Spanish I knew – “Perdon. Donde esta el banco?” (sorry, I don’t know how to put the tilde, the little accent marks over the Spanish words, but you get the gist of it.).

She turned back around, as she had already moved to walk away, sat the cups and saucers down, and purposefully took my left hand and cupped it both of hers. She completely disregarded the long line of hungry pilgrims waiting to be served, and instead paused to look intently into my eyes. Irina then softly said to me, “Buenos dias”. If I could have disappeared, melted into my shoes, whatever, I would have. I felt so embarrassed.

In her kind loving way, she taught me a monumental lesson, ‘Don’t walk in here rudely blurting out your question. It doesn’t matter that I’m busy or that you’re busy. Stop. Look me in the eyes. Greet me first. Then ask.’

Because I was too flustered to muster up any weak form of Spanish, in English I replied, ‘I am so sorry. Buenos dias’. She just smiled, gave my hand a squeeze and replied, ‘Buenos dias’ and proceeded to tell me how to find the bank.

I humbly walked out and headed to the bank hoping I wouldn’t have to see Irina again. I didn’t want her to think, ‘There comes that rude American woman’.

As fate would have it, I DID have to see her again, several times. This was a tiny village and the only place to get anything to eat, and by now I was hungry. So, I checked my pride and walked back in. Of course, she recognized me as I entered. She looked up from her register and gave me a big smile. Over the crowd and from the back of the café, I yelled out to her, ‘Buenos dias’. She greeted me back and we both laughed.

I’ve lovingly thought back several times since then about Irina and the precious lesson she taught me. I realized how many times I rush through life not really noticing the people I pass during my day. The opportunities I miss, and sometimes even avoid, to say hello or give a passing stranger a smile. What am I doing that’s so important? Where am I going that I don’t have five seconds to pause to acknowledge another human being?

I’ve returned home now and yesterday I was hiking our familiar Pinnacle Peak with my husband, Mike. He was ahead and I was going at my own pace as we always do. As I was coming back down, a young man approached me carrying his little boy (maybe a year old) on his backpack. Even though he was still a little way away, I could see this sweet little boy peeking around his daddy’s back waving like crazy at me. I smiled and waved back to him, and we high fived as we passed.

Again, I was reminded what it means to be seen by another person. To be acknowledged and smiled at. I hope I remember that lesson for the rest of my life.

The familiar phrase is, “The Camino provides”. And, yes, it does. But if we’re open, those lessons can also come at home or hiking a mountain by your house.

It was at the Amara Restaurant where I first met Becky. Back when our Sisters on Purpose-Arizona group was still a MeetUp, this casual place was selected for its comfy leather sofas and chairs providing an intimate setting for women to get to know each other over appetizers and drinks.

I’d received RSVP’s from about twelve women, many of them being first-timers and Becky was one of those first time attendees. As she entered the restaurant, I walked up to greet her and help her feel welcome. I recognized her face from her profile picture but her hair was different. I will never forget our first exchange which told me so much about her and her amazing spirit. I introduced myself, and said, “You must be Becky. I almost didn’t recognize you because your hair is short in your picture and now it’s long – and red.” Without skipping a beat, she casually responded, “This isn’t my real hair. It’s a wig. I have cancer and I’m bald.” Normally, this would have thrown me for a loop and left me speechless, but the this-is-just-how-it-is, you-don’t-have-to feel-sorry-for-me way she responded put me at ease in what could have been a very awkward interaction, and sparked a curiosity in me to find out more about this unique ‘redhead’.

That day was one of those special times where a connection between the women was felt as they opened up about themselves and started to get to know each other. Becky shared that she was scheduled to begin another round of chemotherapy in a few days to fight off the cancer that had settled in her breast and she was joining our event that day looking for a reason to smile and laugh with positive people, and to feel the support of other women. I feel humbled and blessed that we were able to be that for her on a day when she needed it.

Becky continued being part of our group and the more I got to know her, the more impressed I was. With everything she had gone through, and continued to go through, she remained positive and expressed gratitude for EVERYTHING. Really. It was unbelievable. Many times I would ask myself, ‘How can she be so grateful, when she has go many negative things going on in her life?’ And, of course, the next obvious question was, ‘How can I be more like that?’

I continue to be moved by not only her courage and optimism, but by her deep unwavering sense of gratitude. I feel like I’m a pretty grateful person, but I’ve never had my sense of gratitude tested in the ways she has. She inspired me to start the book with Chapter 1 being, ‘The Path of Gratitude’ and I’m honored to have her share her personal story in these pages.

Becky became (and still is!) a powerful and inspirational force in our group of women, even leading three monthly conversations on, what else? Gratitude!

Sisters on Purpose-Arizona is no longer a MeetUp group, but has evolved into a heart-centered group of loving caring women, and this fun gal with the long red hair that gets taken off and placed on her bedside table at night, is a huge part of the positive energy that flows there.

I am so proud to have met Becky, who I not only consider a close personal friend, but my sister. I love you, Becky.

Insights, Inspirations & Ramblings

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